Monday, February 22, 2010

Exclusively Breastfeeding

I'm now exclusively breastfeeding by the breast and no longer pump! It took a lot of strength to get past my fears and anxieties surrounding supply/latch/upsetting him/not knowing how much he's getting/losing routine/etc but I did it. I just figured I'd let him latch how he wants to and he gulped and gulped and it wasn't hurting so I was too happy! I haven't looked back.

I spoke to a breastfeeding counsellor in my area who helped so much. She also suffers from anxiety and understood my need for control. She gave me things to focus on (his output, etc) that have really helped. It's so much easier and I hope I can BF for a very long time.

Cameron loves it and no longer gets as painful wind. He always smirks at me from the breast and will latch and unattach himself. It's so beautiful. I started this when he was a couple of days shy of 4 weeks and now he's a couple days shy of 8 weeks. It took a month and lots of determination and effort but it was well worth it.

Thank you to everyone who helped me get to where I am with BFing. I'm so happy.

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If you have found this relactation blog as a result of currently relactating or considering relactation; I hope this serves as inspiration for you and hope

Don't hesitate to contact me (racheous [at] live .com.au)

You can see how we are doing now at Racheous 

Thursday, February 11, 2010

SUCCESS!!!

I have successfully relactated!!! I'm now producing as much breastmilk as Cameron needs!

It was a difficult 17 days but so worth it!

I've had a difficult past couple of days with a breakdown, dr visit, a ute reversing into my car, Mike melting the $85 breast pump kit to the pot and filling the house with fumes & the hospital grade pump I've hired stopping working (half way through me pumping so my nipple was sucked in there like crazy and I had to pry it out!!!)

Let's hope my luck turns around?

This is by no means the end to my journey. Now it is a matter of maintaining my supply and juggling offering the breast and exclusively expressing. I also have to wean off the medication I am on slowly. I have a new pump on the way that I've bought (I'm excited! A Medela Pump In Style Advanced) so here's to the rest of my journey.

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If you have found this relactation blog as a result of currently relactating or considering relactation; I hope this serves as inspiration for you and hope

Don't hesitate to contact me (racheous [at] live .com.au)

You can see how we are doing now at Racheous 

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Day 16

Quick stats

- I'm now producing 625 mL in a 24 hour period
- All up thus far we've spent over $400 on my relactation journey (for medication, herbs, pump hire, membership, SNS, etc)
- I spend roughly 4-5 hours a day pumping

Update:

He is refusing the breast and cries whenever I encourage it. Then I cry and start to hate myself and the whole process.

I've made the decision to exclusively pump and bottle feed him while mimicking breastfeeding (holding him against the breast, etc) and just use the breast as a comforter when he is OK with it.

It gets much too stressful. My PND and anxiety sky rocketed trying to get rid of bottles. I can't stand him crying. I physically and mentally cannot stand it.

I should say that for the week I breastfed earlier it was easy. I had a great supply and he latched well and never cried. So I find it soooo hard. Too hard.

I feel enormous amounts of relief just thinking about letting go of that pressure. It's not a simple decision and that's why I know that it's too much. It means more money (to buy a pump because long-term hiring will be too expensive), time, effort etc but that's how distressing I'm finding BFing. I love my boy too much to try and force this on him.

I'm hoping to give Cam a happy feeding relationship. I'm certainly enjoying, playing and bonding with him but not to my full ability and I don't want mornings like yesterday where we both just cried.

I knew that relactating was a risk factor for triggering more difficulty surrounding my PND and anxiety. I even tried twice earlier and decided it wasn't worth the stress but now I'm here and doing great.

I'm going to attempt to pump exclusively and bottlefeed him my milk and hope that I can do this for as long as possible. At this point it isn't too stressful to me and I really love that he is getting my milk. That being said I've only done it for 2 weeks.

My hubby is fully supportive of my exclusively pumping and obviously I'll make my breasts available to Cam if he is interested in breastfeeding, etc but I am not going to force it (hard to word that differently).

I know deep down I'm hurting from not being able to BF as normal. But I'm more than happy to pump exclusively and breast-nurture him as much as he'll allow me to. I simply can't force it and love our relationship as it is.

He's still looking into my eyes, cuddling close to me, feeling my skin, hearing my heartbeat and being nourished by my milk. There's no stress. There's more work but I'm not stressed. I actually really enjoy seeing my milk collecting and I'm getting soooooo close to his demands now!

I saw my GP yesterday and because I'm on such a high dose of motilium I was going to have to spend so much money to keep taking it so she did a bulk (one months worth) script for me and the pharmacist gave it to me for over 40% what I usually would pay! God is on my side, I tell you what!

I talked to my doctor and we agreed that it is best for me to get to a point where I have an oversupply then very slowly wean off the motilium until Cam is 8 months old where hopefully I won't be taking any. I'm giving myself mini goals with pumping exclusively because it isn't easy. My first goal is to get to when he is 4 months (2.5 months away). Wish me luck!

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If you have found this relactation blog as a result of currently relactating or considering relactation; I hope this serves as inspiration for you and hope

Don't hesitate to contact me (racheous [at] live .com.au)

You can see how we are doing now at Racheous 

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Day 10

I hired a double electric pump yesterday night because hand expressing was doing my head in. Now I have a great routine and feel so confident!

I'm expressing every 1.5 hours and getting around 25 mLs each time (over night I only expressed every 3.5 hours... my alarm didn't go off again!) which means around 400 mLs in a 24 hour period! That's about half of what Cameron is drinking!

So now every 2nd or third feed is my EBM. You can only imagine how great that makes me feel! Now that I feel confident that my supply is increasing I am going to focus on feeding him only at the breast (as much as possible alone then with the SNS and I'll continue pumping every 1.5 hours)

It was awesome talking to one of the BF counsellors from the ABA (who I hired the pump off) - I felt so empowered. I really feel like I'm getting somewhere now. It's day 10 and I've gone from drops to half of what he needs!

This morning when it had been 3.5 hours between pumping I got 70 mL! Sometimes that is all he has at a feed!

My hubby made more lactation cookies (man, I'm putting on weight eating these things! LOL) and I'm still waiting on the Goat's Rue.

I'm so happy right now.

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If you have found this relactation blog as a result of currently relactating or considering relactation; I hope this serves as inspiration for you and hope

Don't hesitate to contact me (racheous [at] live .com.au)

You can see how we are doing now at Racheous